Wednesday, 23 January 2013

The Freaky Candy Shop

Last Friday I went out with a friend. We went out and had dinner somewhere on Saint-Laurent boulevard. After dinner, we went out for a walk even though it was super cold. Were walking north on the left side of the street and we noticed this really colourful display in a store window. We stopped and saw that the inside was in fact filled with candy and toys!!! I don't know why I never even noticed this place before. It's probably because I always walk  across the street when I go walk around the Plateau. Also, the window has these big figurines. I must've thought it was another art store that sold some artwork from local artists. But, lo and behold! It's actually a candy store! It's called Freak Lunchbox and apparently it's a Canadian chain of candy and novelty toys store.

We went inside and it was glorious. The sweet smell of sugar filled the air. The first thing that we noticed coming in was the giant selection of Pez dispensers that was available and the awesome variety of Jelly Belly jelly beans available by bulk! They also had some giant motherfucking jawbreakers, wax lips and lots of candy you never find anywhere. Not even at other candy store I've been to like Sugar Mountain, Sucre Bleu or even Oscar, which I wrote about before here and here. This place has a great selection of American candy.

When we turned around, we found out that the other wall was a glorious wall of junk, covered in useless, yet cool toys and novelty crap. I found things like, whoopee cushions, fake moustaches, squirrel underwear, those switchblade-like combs and tons of bacon-related objects. Further back we also found a great collection of bobble heads, giant Pez dizpensers and loads of other cool stuff.

When does the narwhal bacon? Only a few know.

While browsing the toys I came across this little fellow. Actually, there were many others. All in different wrestling poses. I couldn't help myself. I had to get one. So I did.

Yeah! Headlock that beer cap into submission!

Another great novelty toy that I got is a jaw harp. What's a jaw harp? It's those metal twangers that cowboys used to put in their mouth and flick repeatedly to make a song. Here, lemme show you.

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Now watch this guy and laugh at how lamentable my demonstration was.

The counter at the cash register and a portion at the back had an amazing selection of chocolate bars. I'll be honest. I L-O-V-E chocolate. It's my favourite thing in all the world. I like to try new chocolate bars from time to time, but this place had too many for me to explore. I couldn't make up my mind. I mean, they had orange flavoured Aero bars. I remember seeing those when I was a kid. I had one from a local convenience store (or dépanneur as we like to calle them) and thought it was delicious. When I went back a few days later to get some more they were gone. Anyway, their selection at Freak Lunchbox was crazy.

Some items caught my attention. One of them was a jar of Cadbury milk chocolate spread. Oh my god how awesome this must be on toast. Or, imagine stuffing a croissant full of this. Man, I just drooled all over myself just now.

Another awesome thing: they had a fridge filled with various bottles of rare soda pops so you could wash down whatever sugar you just ate with some sugar water. I mean they had some fucked up shit. like Bacon soda. or Peanut Butter and Jelly soda. (Really?) BUT! The most awesome thing is that they actually sell RAMUNE!!! Now I won't have to drive all the way to NDG to the Korean Japanese grocery store to get me some! (Good luck translating their website) By the way, you can read all about that here.

Then my friend was surprise to find a stand full of bags of Australian chips and told me how all their chips are meat flavoured down under. So here we had Roast Chicken and Smokey Bacon as well as French Fries. At first they just looked like regular Lays chips. Upon closer inspection, I realized they were actually Walkers. Then it dawned on me. I want you to say "Lays" with your best Steve Irwin impersonation. Go ahead. Say it. What does it sound like? It sounds like he's saying Lies. "Yeah mate, I'm eating a bag of Lies! They're shrimp on the barbie flavoured." That doesn't sound very good. I guess their marketing team fixed this before selling on the market down under.

Behind the counter, I saw they had some signs up. It looks like in the summer they sell milk shakes! I wonder if you can get any candy you want ground up and mixed in your milkshake? Imagine that. Pick any candy you want and get chunks of it in a nice vanilla, strawberry  or chocolate shake. Mmmm mmmm!

Finally, I was wondering out loud whether the place carried the oh so rare Cow Tales. My friend asked me what it was and I said that it was this long stick of soft caramel filled with creme at the centre. The store clerk was passing by when I said that and he said "Oh! Do you mean Cow Tales?" I said "Yeah!". So he showed me what they had. Holy fucking sugar cubes! They had them! The real motherfucking thing! And not some stale-ass hardened stuff. No! They had fresh ones! They were nice and bendy and squishy. They carried them in two flavours: regular and strawberry. Too bad they didn't have the apple flavoured one or the chocolate one. Those are like the supreme most awesome Cow Tales flavours of all!

I grabbed a couple of Cow Tales along with my luchador bottle opener and my twangin' jaw harp and went to the cash. We both paid for our stuff and exited the store. The next day, in the afternoon, I opened up the Cow Tales and had me some. They were really good. Very fresh. Nice and chewy and soft and tender and filled with delicious vanilla cream. I swear, if you find any of that stuff anywhere else, you gotta buy them by the box full because they are hard to find.

Mmmmm! Delicious candy goodness!

This was a great discovery! I'm really happy to find such a candy store that sells this kind of candy an junk that are so hard to find anywhere else. I'm definitely gonna go back there sometime soon either for more candy or for more junk to spread around on my desk at work! Hell yes!


  1. I went here for the first time Thursday. I bought a cow tale, and a sack-o-candy, and a finger narwhal. I'm just reading all of this for the first time... I was so sad they didn't have the caramel Apple Cow Tales.

  2. Yeah, the caramel apple ones are very tasty. If you want you can ask them to order some. I think, as long as you want a big enough quantity they'll get it for you.

  3. I can order a whole box of them online...but it isn't the same, man. It isn't the same. Hilariously, I also noticed the sodas, and saw the PBJ one and was repulsed yet curious at the same time. Maybe next time.